


Blame

by CannibalKats



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 20:23:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4033333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CannibalKats/pseuds/CannibalKats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After arriving at Vigils Keep Nev and Alistair have words with regards to Loghain's execution.  Their relationship ended when she decided that he should marry Anora, and she an Anora are good friends at this point in my canon.  This is the last time she speaks to Alistair informally prior to Inquisition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blame

“Maker Dammit Nev,” Alistair threw up his hands. “No. Just no.”

Bright blue eyes blazed across from him, she did her best to keep her temper under control when she spoke. “This isn’t about me, _or us_ ,” she added. “I’m asking you to do this, for the love of your wife, for the love of your country. I’m not even asking you to believe what you say, or forgive what he did. Creators know those things will stay with me as long as I live.”

“He doesn’t deserve it.” Alistair had mastered his anger, but even facing the withering glare of his former lover, dragon slayer, Hero of Fereldan and Wardern-Commander, he would not budge.

“When I killed that man,” there was a shuffle of footsteps outside her office. She paused and waited until they passed. “When I killed him, I did it because I saw Ostagar, and the Alienage. I saw Duncan, and the wardens and soldiers sent to their deaths. I did it because I saw you; I saw your need for vengeance and thought it was Justice.”

“It was,” he hissed.

She shot him a look and continued. “I did it because I thought it was right, and your marriage was right, and I thought Anora deserved at the very least to not be married to the man who executed her father.”

“I know that.”

“We should have made him a Warden,” she ignored the derisive snort. “Or put him in Drakon until we had time to sort out how much of what was done was Howe.”

“Do you think he wouldn’t have done the same to us? He had the surviving Wardens _hunted_ Nev. He sent an assassin after you.”

“Howe, hired and assassin, it’s safe to say Howe had the Warden’s hunted. I’m not justifying his actions, Alistair, I’m not saying you have to change your mind.”

“Sound like it.”

“Dread Wolf take you Alistair Theirin, you are the most stubborn human I’ve ever met.”

He chuckled but continued to scowl at her.

“You can hate him, you can curse him to your maker every night when you say your futile prayers,” rage crept into her voice now. “But don’t discount all the good he did, the people who owe their lives to him don’t deserve that.”

“And the people his action killed.”

“If I thought those words stretched any farther than Duncan, or the Wardens, they’d have more weight. As it is I don’t think they even go so far as your Brother Cailin.”

Alistair’s jaw was set his eyes were narrowed. She watched him mouth the words _half brother_.

“I’ve read a lot of Fereldan’s history, I wanted to know about Maric. He did a lot of good, by all accounts he loved your father, he was a good man. Somewhere along the road maybe that changed but you’ve discredited all the years of good he did.”

“And?” His arms were crossed, his eyes narrowed. “Spit it out.”

“What? Do you want me to say it would ease my mind? Is that so wrong? I think if we’d sorted out the darkspawn before we dispensed the _kings_ justice we might have made a rational decision. If we’d taken a moment to discuss it without the nobility of Fereldan breathing down our backs. If we’d stepped out fucking side and talked out our options without Eamon fucking Guerrin whispering in your ear, maybe we would have made a better choice.”

“We made the right choice.”

“You mean you did.”

“Yes. I did, if everything I do as King is remembered as the worst reign in the history of the Theirin line at least I will know I did that one thing right!”

“Not you,” she hissed. “Me, I did it. I killed him. I killed a man for love of you and you left me. The smell of it still on me and you walked away from me.”

“And you got your revenge didn’t you?”

“I saved our lives.”

“You gave me away to another woman!”

“I gave you a Queen, someone who knows how to rule!”

They leaned heavily on the big desk between them. Their faces level, noses almost touching. They had already had this conversation, more than once and it always ended in anger but this was the first time they’d acknowledge the unspoken hurt, the broken thing between them. It was Nevaeh who stood. She turned to the window and watched Vigils Keep’s surviving wardens sparing in the yard.

“Anora is dear to me, Alistair.” Her voice was drained. She sounded exhausted. “She has been my closest friend in Denirim, and I am glad you could find happiness with one another.” Despite the resignation her words were genuine. “She cares for you enough to not ask you for this herself, and she’d never asked me to speak to you on her behalf, but I feel obligated.”

“I can’t do it, not for you, not for Anora. Do not ask me again.” His shoulders slumped and he walked towards the window.

She didn’t turn around, her back straight her eyes forward she listened to him approach, a tentative hand rested lightly on her shoulder and she flinched. It was barely perceptible but he dropped his hand, she heard a sigh and the sound of his boots on the stone floor as he left the office without saying good bye.

When the door closed her shoulders slumped and she let out a shaky sigh. She turned back to her desk and leaned heavy against the stone, still cold from the damp morning. Tears fell from her eyes but she did not cry.

“Enalsal ir sa lethalin, in tu setheneran din emma na,” she whispered to his lingering scent.

**Author's Note:**

> "Enasal ir sa lethalin, in tu setheneran din emma na"  
> Phonetic: ehn-ah-sal eer sah leth-ah-LEEN in too SETH-in-AIR-awn din EMM-ah nah  
> Rough Translation: "Be the joy it once was, but do not dwell in lands no longer yours"


End file.
